Never Really Lost.

3:35 PM

"A midlife crisis might occur anywhere from about age 37 through the 50s." 

Dan Jones, PhD, director of the Counseling and Psychological Services Center at Appalachian State University, Boone, N.C.


Did I just read that right?? I grew up hearing that term being told to whoever was celebrating their 40th birthday. I am still 3 years shy of my 40th however, I AM 37. And I am experiencing transitions of my own. I am doing my best to overcome them as gracefully as I could. I have been doing the same thing for the past 10 years and I'd like to emphasize that I have nothing but gratitude for the opportunity to do what I do for my family. I know I can do more. 

YET I know I am enough.

I know I have more to offer but I know I have done a lot already.

I know I can give more but at the same I feel like my cup has been poured empty. 

I am grateful but I feel like there's more to life to discover. To achieve. To conquer.

I have written hundreds of pages in my book and yet, there are more blank pages to fill up.

I know who I am yet I have lost parts of myself in the process.

SO Confusing. Mid life crisis it is. 

I've had my own moments of helplessness. Of hopelessness. Of anxiety. Of uncertainty. Had it not been for my strong foundation of faith and support from a few loved ones, I don't know how I could have gotten a better mindset. 

I don't know how my mom has gotten through her own seasons of change so gracefully. I am sure she's had her own hard times that ultimately defined her. She had me when she herself was entering her 40's. She was entering menopause when I entered by teenage years. My own daughter is now on her tweens. Through all the years I have growing up, I have watched my mom patiently and lovingly embraced changes in herself and in her body ever so beautifully. I have her to thank for those memories because they are the same ones I am getting my strength from to embrace transitions and changes in my life right now. I am sure she knew I was watching her during those years. I can say the same for  my daughter. 

So yes, I still have a lot to offer though the person I used to be is gone. I am no longer the same for I have gained more wisdom. Through the heartaches and disappointments, I have gained a better understanding of what matters most. I may have lost who I was but now I am given the opportunity to create a new one from all this confusion and uncertainty. 

Whether I am experiencing mid life crisis now or in the years to come, I can fully convince myself to embrace the fire and the burning. Of being torn down and turned into ashes. For like the Phoenix, a new person shall rise again. 

Image: Phoenix rising from the ashes in Book of Mythological Creatures by Friedrich Johann Justin Bertuch (1747-1822)



Through God's grace I will be sustained. Through His mercy, I will endure. 











Praise in the Wait

2:18 PM

I came across this saying while I was blindly scrolling on Facebook. Wait, I think it was Instagram. Or was it Pinterest? I don’t even remember anymore. But I do remember it quite vividly. Because it spoke to me. And it stayed with me.

“Praise God even in the hallway.”

(If this came from you, please let me know in the comments.)

And then I came across another saying, this time from Pinterest that says “My life has become this one big I DON’T KNOW.”

Waiting. Uncertainty. Two words that are so big in their meanings that they’re enough to bring out another big word: indifference.

I’m in this season of life where honestly, I no longer have an idea what’s going to happen in the next month. In the first days of waiting, we are naturally hopeful. We have so many plans. We carefully lay them out. We prioritize which one to accomplish first. We’re super pumped! There’s nothing in this world that can stop us!

Then, life throws us some curve balls. One after the other. Over and over again. We can’t seem to catch a break!

At first, we still remain hopeful. Ahh.. this is just a hiccup. We’ll keep going. We stand back up when we fall. Even as babies, we get back up every time we fall to take another step. Then another. But we keep encountering moments that knock us down. We can only take so much. We get hurt. We get tired. We become overwhelmed. We stop.

We get frustrated. We cry. We even threaten to give up. We get hurt so many times that we just become indifferent. To the moments. To others. We stop caring. We stop making plans and just go.with.the.flow. Wherever life takes us, right? Why bother making more plans? Maybe whatever we thought is for us really isn’t meant to be. What if it is and we’re just being made stronger so our journey becomes far more meaningful?

Then we also realize what good will that do to us? What good will it do to our soul to just give up on our plans because we’re being told to wait.

So we REST. We stay still. We wait to heal. We listen until we are strong enough again to get up. We allow the same life that throws the curveballs to forge parts of us that are loose. That are broken.

And while we’re in the season of waiting, why not praise God? Praise God for this season of stillness. True, there’s probably nothing happening right now with any of your plans. At least there’s nothing BAD or WRONG happening either, right? And THAT is worth praising God. The moments may seem ordinary. Repetitive. Mundane. But at least they are moments that help SUSTAIN us to get through another day. And anything that help nourish and sustain us is worth praising Him.

My friends, it’s going okay to hope. To plan. To feel the excitement. Joy. Frustration. Disappointment. Discouragement. It’s okay to admit you’re tired. You need time to recover. Your emotions are every bit valid. All of them. All of you. And while we’re waiting, we glorify God for everything that He has made good in our lives so far. He is the God of grace and mercy. His graces have sustained us. His mercy will endure us.

Image Credit: Something to Chalk About​


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